An Energetic Evening

I went to a singles event.  I’ve been to them before, but I rarely go.  Why not?  Well, I’m not an aggressive woman when it comes to dating and, frankly, the few men I’m interested in at singles events are usually cornered quickly and not allowed to come up for air, much less glimpse other women.  They usually end up with some woman shoving her tongue down their throat and then the pair of them disappear, and I curiously wonder how long that little fling lasts while I wander through conversations that never go anywhere. 

This event, however, I came across while doing some philosophical and meditative searching.  It sounded like more than your average alcohol-swilling or approach-a-stranger-and-rapid-fire-conversation event.  The basic idea was to do short, partnered meditative exercises in a rotating group.  My curiosity propelled me to register.

The event was great.  The night opened with a bit of breath work and intention-setting, and each person took a turn introducing him or herself.  We each drew a question card from a stack to read and answer for the rest of the group which began a series of friendly discussions.  The process was unobtrusive and set a relaxed tone. 

After the ice breaker, the men made a large circle and the women formed a smaller one inside the men’s circle facing their male partners.  The structure was simple: do one activity and then the inner circle would rotate to the next partner.  

The night progressed through a series of activities of five to ten minutes each.  Some of the activities were looking your partner in the eye for a designated period of time without speaking; some were to take turns telling your partner about a specific meaningful aspect of your life; others were to dance together or give a massage.

I had noticed HIM at the start of the evening, and couldn’t decide whether I thought he was attractive.  He was, but there was something seemingly scoundrel-ish about HIM.  Perhaps it was that he had a bandana tied around his head all evening that made it seem like he had something to hide.  Halfway through the event, I found myself face-to-face with HIM.  I hadn’t really given HIM much consideration, but the activity for our turn was for the man to get on one knee in front of the woman and take her hand in his.  Each partner was to make eye contact with the other as they felt comfortable.  We did. 

We each looked deeply into the eyes of the other person, but neither of us said a word after our initial greeting.  It wasn’t lost on me that this particular activity resembled a proposal.  At first I thought it a bit gauche, but the facilitator talked through a narrative about being able to meet the masculinity or femininity of the other person without judgement.  As I looked at HIM, I realized that there wasn’t anything scoundrel-ish about him.  Maybe there was something behind his eyes that he was shielding, but it felt more like the way someone protects their own vulnerability than anything untoward. 

As we searched each other’s eyes, I relaxed and realized that part of my thoughts about HIM at the beginning of the evening had more to do with the fact that he was one of the only men there that I actually thought might be someone I could date.  I recalled that he had mentioned a hobby of his that I also enjoy.  I realized that I was put off by his quiet, observant masculinity – one of the very things I might like to find in a partner.  I had found it easier to dismiss HIM from the start than to be open to finding out whether HE was a good match for me.  In that moment, I wondered whether I might be quietly sabotaging myself in my dating endeavors. 

I also couldn’t decide whether HE was trying too hard, but decided that judging too quickly can lead to incorrect conclusions.

We gazed at each other until the facilitator told the men to stand.  I placed my hand over his heart, smiled, and then rotated to the next partner. 

The last activity of the night was to sit quietly with your partner, letting them touch you however both of you felt comfortable – platonically. I spent the final minutes of the evening entwined in the arms of a man I never saw or spoke to again, but it was wonderful just to be held.   

At the end of the event the women were able to indicate privately the men in which they had interest.  Afterward, each woman’s contact information was made available to the men in whom she’d indicated interest.  Men who felt mutually could reach out.     

HE did. 

Miss C – ‘Twas a delight and honor to behold you, be in your presence and feel your gaze.  Care to rendezvous over a drink?  I know the perfect place for sipping a black currant cabernet beside a glowing hearth.  

‘Wow,’ I think.  “Yes, please,” I utter to the silence of my living room.  I quickly reply.

That would be lovely.  It was wonderful to meet you as well.

 As I get ready for bed, instead of sugared plums, I have visions of a fireside date dancing through my head…