Beware of Setups

If you’ve been single for half of a second the chances are that someone has tried to set you up.  “Hey, I know someone you should meet.”  “I know someone who’d be perfect for you.” “I think you’re lovely and I think so-and-so is lovely too…” Etcetera. 

 Ummm…what made you think this was a good idea?

 I have this friend who I’ve known for many, many years.  We’ve known each other through many of life’s ups and downs.  She has a business through which she interacts with numerous other small businesses.  She knows I’m single.  She knows I’m looking.  She knows some of my secrets.  But, ummmm – I’m getting ahead of myself here.

She has listened to me lament about how difficult it is to find someone I really want to date.  She has a couple of men that she gets on with really well and adores.  As such, she started talking to me about them.  I didn’t really bite, because, well, I’m wary of this sort of thing. 

So, one day she calls me and says, “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I want to ask you something.”  She sounds cautiously optimistic and so I indulge her.  “Don’t say no until you’ve heard me out, “ she says.

“Okay”  I say, cautious now myself.

“I have this client I think you should meet.  He’s cute, he’s successful, he’s single.  He’s lovely and he always makes me laugh.  I’ve known him for several years and I think he’s a doll.”  She pauses.

“Well, what’s his story?” I ask, curious.

She jumps at the opening.  She tells me what sort of business he has, how successful he is, that he’s been married and divorced and has kids that are nearly grown.  Apparently, the divorce was years ago, but more recently he’s gotten out of a relationship with a long-term girlfriend.  He’s looking to date but not necessarily ready for serious and long-term.

“Great” I say and to myself I add, ‘Neither am I.’

I ask her a few questions, which she answers.  Then, encouraged by my interest, she proceeds to tell me that she’s already asked him whether she can tell me about him and give me his name.  She says she won’t give him mine unless I say it’s okay.  He agreed that she could share his info with me or, well, she never would’ve mentioned him since he’s her client.  She passes along that he said, “Well, tell her I’m pretty much a sure thing.”  It makes me chuckle.

She offers to send me some recent photos of him, including one of something he’s building, and his name.  That way I can check him out on Facebook.

“Great,” I say again and we hang up.

She sends me his name.  I look on Facebook and he’s cute.  He’s a bit older than me, but clearly intelligent and accomplished – all good things, right?  I’m not sure if I find him attractive, but he’s interesting at least.

Then the photos start popping into my phone.  Bing.  It’s him with a new Labrador puppy.  I’m not a total dog person, but it’s cute, fuzzy, lovable.  Bing.  Hrmm.  It’s him with his new motorcycle.  Nice, but this is starting to look like a mid-life crisis.  Bing.  Um.  Hold the phone.  What’s this third photo?  I stare.  I turn the phone sideways to look at it from a different angle, forgetting that the moment I shift the phone the photo is going to re-orient itself.  After it shifts I turn my head sideways to change my viewpoint.  I zoom in and move the photo around.  “Hrmm” I absently utter. 

The picture is a stainless steel and black rack with a scantily-clad woman strapped to it in a rather compromising position.

Bing.  She asks what I think.

“What’s this last one?”  I ask.

“Oh, that’s the apparatus he’s building.”

“And he sent this to you?  Why?”

“He’s pretty wide open” she says, “he thought I would be interested to see it.”

The conversation goes silent as I think about the way this is playing out.  ‘Wait a minute’ I think.  I dial her number.

“Hey.  So, what do you think?” she asks.

“Well, I don’t’ know.  I want to think about it,” I say diplomatically.

“That’s fair,” she says.

“I have a question,” I say.  “At what point did you suggest that he should meet me?”

She’s confused.  “We were just chatting and I thought it was the right time to ask.  I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but haven’t asked since he’s a client, but it was just good timing.”

“Did you ask him before or after he sent the pictures?” 

“Oh, it was all part of the same conversation.” She replies.

“Did he send you the pictures to send to me after you asked about giving his info to me?”

“No, the pictures were just an update on him, we hadn’t chatted in a while.  Then I broached the topic of you.” She summarizes. 

“Uh-huh.”

“What?” she asks.

“So let me get this straight.  You’re talking.  He sends you a picture of the rack he’s building to strap a new lover to and you answer with, “Hey I’ve got a friend you should meet?”” 

Silence.

“Did I hear that right?” I ask.

She starts dying laughing.

“I heard that right, didn’t I?  He sent you a picture of his sex device and you said, “Hey you should meet my friend.”” I say lightheartedly.

More laughter.

“That’s how it went down, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.  Holy shit.  I didn’t even think about that.” She finally says.

“Great one.  Now he’s thinking you know something he doesn’t about me and that you’ve suggested we meet because you must know that I’d be game for that – thanks hon.”  We’re both laughing now.

Talk about a great first date icebreaker, “How’s your rack coming along?” Or, “So your friend thought you’d be a good fit for this….”